Ive experienced the calmness of relief, followed by tidal waves of anger and resentment. So not much awkwardness. The process was handled as if it were a way to punish someone (me). Jacob (Early Retirement . Twopupsonacouch Mr. Leung, who invested through the Great Recession, added: "There was a lot more reason to be scared in 2008. Life is full of hardships. Thank you MMM for this very important post. Christine T Wishing you all the best for a fresh start in 2019. The FIRE group also has some other meetings like game nights in addition to their monthly meeting. Mr. Money Mustache Divorce Blog Post Join the #1 Early Retirement and Financial Independence Forum Today - It's Totally Free! I had the right approach (as in not go through an expensive divorce) but my reasons for doing the right thing was because I enjoyed the pain of doing the right thing. Last week I saw a thread where someone was planning on spending $150K for a fashion degree. Very impressed by your broad viewpoints and wisdom even through tough times like these. The gossip has to hurt and the internet can be ruthless, likely filled with people who are experiencing their own levels of hurt. It's a comfortable space that allows for both family living and entertaining. Marriage is hard, especially when you have kids. Your son is very lucky to have two parents who found a way to reasonably and fairly amicable way to end their marriage and preserve as much normalcy as possible. Perhaps it looked like I was better off and had plans.I didnt really, the desire to separate was all I knew for certain. He and his wife had gotten a divorce. So you have to treat your business partner accordingly.. And if you dont choose to fight, a divorce doesnt have to cost much at all. Im sorry you were the subject of gossip, but Im glad youve risen above the nonsense with such a positive post. Also you need to learn hypermiling techniques (google it) to save as much gas (or energy if it is electric) as possible to earn more money from each trip. And burn yearson reliving the past, with a mixture of regret and vengeful self-righteousness and self-pity. I also mention Facebook because some of my more active meetup groups are also there. I didnt want to be that loser guy. Not too much in the specifics, but quite a bit in general, because about half of all marriages end in divorce, and I have found it can be quite a tricky minefield to navigate. In the end Ive come to appreciate how youve handled being a father, husband and now partner in raising your son. He was declared innocent by a unanimous / universal . This can drastically increase your hourly earnings. Yes! Dear MMM, sorry to hear what a year its been and I admire the grace with which you and your family have made the best of one of lifes curveballs. ( 1961-09-27) Joey expects to be doing publicity work for Marilyn Monroe, but instead, it's a chimp that worked in a new film, "African Safari". Im sorry to hear about your split. While itcouldbe looked at as the natural and peaceful end of an arrangement that has just run its course, other people will see it as a failure or a betrayal or a sin. Our members range from young folks just starting their journey to financial independence, military retirees and even multimillionaires. Having seen the documentary, Divorce, Inc. Im very happy you are settling this amicably and without spending the average 40K plus as expected. Figure half of the remaining 45 marriages are happy marriages. Although we had been drifting this way for a while, the formal change of our status is still less than a year old, so its still a topic that deserves some quiet respect*. As all my previous relationships lasted no more than 2 years. I told her I admired how she kept her cool cus she told no one not even any family because she said she knew how angry we would be at him. It started something wonderful and snowballed into more success and satisfaction than I couldve imagined. We would like to show you a description here but the site won't allow us. It is legendary for destroying lives and fortunes, and indeed this is sometimes accurate. Thanks for making all our lives better. When the ball drops tonight, I start my second career which Im very excited about. After all, the information you kindly share is a gift to be thankful for. Lewis wrote A Grief Observed after the death of his wife. Well, yeah. While the ending of a relationship can be sad, I honestly think that as we grow, sometimes the effect of our growth is growing out of a relationship. I spent quite a while going back and forth over my own divorce after 24 years of marriage that could been better spent elsewhere. Lets grow a money mo! salads, barbells, and bicycles, I like that one. (phoenetic Massachusetts accent)]. I am so sorry to hear about your split. Loving the new YouTube channel, Ive missed the MMM one liners like We call this the oil well pants. Pay attention to the new experiences you have on this journey. Then, there were a few stories that just focused on the strange lives of Mr. Money Mustache a few other freaky magicians, cataloging our feats of extreme frugality. She wanted to spare us until she had everything in place. Not all volunteer positions involve pure charity-feeding-the-lepers type action (just saying because it sounds like you could use a battery charge in your vollie time). In March of 2017, I listened to you on the Tim Ferriss podcast and then devoured your entire backlist. Alana, your state may have a Master Naturalist program, which is a fabulous way to meet environmentally-minded folks. Utah Valley Because many bits of damage you do to a relationship arepermanent. Mr. Money Mustache Many blessings to you and former Mrs. MMM, and to all of us out there in a new chapter! Operation Hope 1 hour shifts at local schools teaching 1/5 modules December 31, 2018, 5:51 pm. It was ridiculous and my spouse and I laughed while I was crying, but Ive been envious of your life for a long time. There are alotof things in life that are hard. filtracion de aire. Anonymous I decided to keep improving my chances of a better paying job and decided to go to university. Thank you for sharing this. I am hoping to start the Moustache journey tomorrow. Also enjoyed how you are all focused on growth for the future, whatever shape that takes. Our financial planner had me working until age 68 (2022) I ran the numbers again with the tools and common sense you provided. Please keep up your valuable contribution to humanity. Mr. Money Mustache December 31, 2018, 7:44 pm. Its a fun world. Mr. Money Mustache retired in his early thirties and has recently emerged as one of the most inspiring personal finance authors in cyberspace. Coming off the back of a divorce I often marvel that something so personally painful as a relationship breakdown was so text book and the issues so run of the mill. Thank you so much for sharing this post MMM! Divorce rates have never been as high as 55%, and have been dropping for decades. Thats what Ill be up to in 2019. This is the reason why my wife (Mrs. RB40) . Hope to read more posts like this in the future! But the good news is that it mightnotbe too late for you, if you do want to stay married. Addendum #3: removed. Thank you for the courageous post. VITA-Tax training program for adults that would like to give free tax prep to any LMI persons Just some food for thought. Contact me if youd like to learn more. Building new relationships and nurturing old ones, and making sure we put outonlypositive energy to every person in our lives, including our ex-spouse. With some counselling and continued learning, I started the path to being a better me in the world. Im so glad to hear you were able to find a suitable house nearby. Please dont be like them using the Internet to publicly gossip about strangers helps nobody. But fortunately, like everything else, going to war is almost always achoice. *whispers: I find MMM kind of annoying despite his liberal dose of financial advice that rings true to me*. If this is the only alternative. This is a very personal matter between you, (the former) Mrs. Money Mustache and your family. Hooray for grownup single life! Stress is plentiful in that situation for sure, and can spread to everyone nearby. My costs for gas are around $5-6/hour. Next thing you know, you will land a corporate job! May you find peace and joy within the grief and loss. Addendum #4: Renters for Life If my post above rubbed your fur the wrong way, this . If I was as strict as he was, I'd definitely be divorced by now. I think they will! But I agree the odds are not good, and to Stans point the odds are higher than people typically state because we usually only reference the divorce rate; something I hadnt thought of but agree with. I sure could of used your advice then. Wow, my condolences. I found your writings during a personal abyss some years ago in my mid-20s and you really helped me. because I already have bikes Love it. We can make sure they knowexactly why they were wrong and every way in which they were flawed. December 31, 2018, 5:47 pm, Ironic that you posted this today I was divorced five years ago on 12 31 2013. I know this is unlikely but Im fine with never read that blog again. I hope your divorce is a step towards that, but I would wait to date again if I were you. For me my friends who had known me for decades came through like long time friends do. MMM, Proceed with extreme caution is my advice. October 7, 2019, 5:38 pm. Your statement that even the harshest moments come with a little golden key taped secretly onto their side rings true. If youve ever been in an unhappy marriage it is every bit this simple. Outside of work I spend about 4 hours a week without her. The number 1 reason FIRE made so much sense to us was our desire to spend so much time together. And reflected very badly on those taking part. We happen to be going through a lot of life changes at the moment, and this is a great reminder that through the stress we need to focus on what is important for us, both as individuals and as a couple. Divorce is flat out trauma. Stay true to you and sending all my love to you, your wife and your son. I dont think its over simplified at all. . Both were and are heart-wrenching, but the golden key has been the awareness of how precious our time together is, and a renewed commitment to cherishing each other. Im grateful to you for helping me get time off for good behavior. It isn't all sunshine and roses like we make it seem. Stan, I couldnt agree more. Thank you for posting about this, there were a number of divorces for my mom and dad growing up. Your story sounds similar to mine. John Warlock Its so tough to even deal with clients that go through a divorce. I have a few questions: 1) Is there anything you and the mrs could have done different that could have prevented this? Ive always thought marriage was a risky endeavor and to be taken with extreme patience. Sorry to hear! It is proof that the core tenets of Mustachianism really are universal, and truly lead to greater lifetime happiness. Write down the good advice they give. Where De la Rionda brought to mind Dr Phil, with a mustache, dramatic cadence and appeals to what he described as common sense, Chipperfield, the lead defender, reminded me of Mr Rogers. January 1, 2019, 3:35 pm. And the fact that you can live so close and still have a great relationship is a sliver lining. But you two are awesome. The effects are cumulative like erosion, not temporary like moods or weather. Wow, when I read the headline I was really hoping that the topic of divorce wasnt personal for you. (I explain this to my friends before they get married.). Its a shame he never wrote a follow-up piece on his post-marriage thoughts (she pre-deceased him by 3yrs), Katie Camel May as well play hard, and be kind. She spent that 6 months selling off many of the assets and giving big gifts to their children. Thank you. Consider volunteering your time in/with/for a group that either supports your goals or has people similar to you. Go ahead and click on any titles that intrigue you, and I hope to see you around here more often. She is great at keeping things close. Mr. Been There A single extra 5 minute Uber ride per hour will net me approximately $3 which is a much high return than hyper milling can give. Youve got a lot of folks wishing you well, and I hope that gives you some comfort. Anonymous there aint no good guy, there aint no bad guy theres only you and me and we just disagree. Damn that is a nice line to repeat, for ANY argument including the ones where you think YOU are the good guy. Lots of quiet, introverted people get together and find friends amongst the rest of the gang. Your post today reminded me keep my head and heart focused on those dearest to me as I take my first steps of financial freedom tomorrow. Thanks for sharing and giving your perspective. Daniele. And the benefits begin immediately if both people are working at it, every positive gesture from one side will be met with a positive one from the other, and they can reinforce each other into a beautiful upward spiral. And for those being nagged: you cannotignorethe requests of your partner for years, and expectthemto forgive you for that either. School and jobs are hard, and money isreallyhard for most people. And put the happy face back on, and start behaving like an adult again. MM has always been an independent-minded person who is good with money and decides on her own spending. Thank you. The answer is NO. The touch of a cluster of leaves revolved it slowly, tracing, like the leg of compass, a thin red circle in the water. Why are divorce attorneys so expensive? So your best strategy is to carve them out of your life, while keeping your words as kind and respectful as you possibly can. Best of luck but you dont need it; you got this. Were friends now (six years later). I call my ex-spouse the Best ExHusband Ever and we are good friends, still have fun together, sharing holidays and family events, and take great care of our son. And it is important for these people to hear that although divorce is always difficult, sometimes it really is the best choice and there should not be shame or blame associated with this choice. Then there is thesocial shameattached to divorce in our culture. And then well have to drag ourselves back out of that rut again. Marriage is a partnership and it takes 2 people. Now THAT would be Unmustachian. Be resilient. Our friends and families had so many questions when we announced our separation there were no major injuries, no addiction, no betrayals. Yes, if you get in that 22% (or whatever it is precisely) you are super glad. It is a testament to your characters that you are able to part on such terms. I am sad to hear about your divorce, but glad to hear that yall will keep mushing on as best as yall can. No judgment here. There are some less expensive groups than the spendy happy hour ones. Update:Some of the negative speculators have assumed your wife dumped you because you were too frugal. This part may be necessary to address because of the money theme of this blog. When you do not define yourself by your relationships with others it makes divorce, splitting up, etc, much easier because you can keep it in perspective. We share plenty of time with our son and he is doing amazingly well because we are choosing to make this new life about growth rather than conflict. The dating pool for 40 plus people is actually a wonderful place, as long as you live in an area with your own type of people (for me this is educated, oudoorsy professional types preferably a bit quirky and artsy and nerdy as well). Best wishes to you MMM. I dont know if thats very fair What are the rates of happily single people? In my experience, of folks in my extended family, the hurt and anger turns the kid into a pawn to hurt the other parent. Mr. Money Mustache shares his early retirement secrets in an interview for the new Financial Independence Podcast! I dont feel that I have any immediate risks with my marriage but I have to ask myself why I have put so little effort into improving this critical part of my life. Everyone looks at the divorce rate, but nobody looks at the happily married rate when talking about marriages. So lean on friends, talk to a relationship counselor even if it is just by yourself (yes, its really worth it! Im continually amazed at how you can take difficult circumstances and choices, and come out stronger. look for your local community action agency), get as much as possible for free (get kids clothes from Buy Nothing Group on Facebook, ask friends to give you hand me down clothes for kids), etc. Here are some of the emotional impacts a divorce may have on a child: Young children often struggle to understand why they must go between two homes. Hope 2019 works out well for all of you. Unfortunately, there is no account by Lewis that Im aware of in which he shares his own story. . If you have any nature/environmental interests, see what you can find. Hey MMM.. brave post, way to go. Mr. Money Mustache Hi! I do hope that you take time heal from the pain of this trauma. Improving ourselves through better habits and health. Point is many of the years were happy so 96% of my sisters married life was good. Being born and going through childhood is hard. There are lots of reasons for divorce, but the idea being retrospective/shoulda,coulda/wouldais a bad one. Besides House Hacking, if you have a car, you might want to try out being an Uber or Lyft driver. Thank you for everything you do MMM. Its so easy to take your relationship for granted and we could all use a reminder to be more appreciative and understanding of our spouses. Kids will have plenty of trouble on their long road to adulthood if they even make it. It sounds as though youre both stellar role models. I hope others read your blog and are encouraged towards finding their own amicable ending to relationships if needed. I think they help a ton of people. I hope it wasn't, but as he said in the article, it's none of our damn business. Accept the temporary setbacks, wait out the storms and keep moving forward. Ill continue to use the surplus for projects and philanthropy just as before, but the point here is that ones relationship status does not have to affect their financial status. It was still extremely painful but she definitely played it to her advantage. Yep the idea of a mediocre partnership just so someone can change my diapers sounds like hell to me. House hacking might be an option. And we can collect bathtubs full of sympathetic tears from our friends. Im sorry youre having to go through this. See, even the harshest moments come with a little golden key taped secretly onto their side, which you can use to unlock personal growth and greater future happiness. Weve never met but you mean a lot to me as someone who has changed my life for the better, and I feel as though Im writing to an important friend or family member. Junior Achievement morning shifts from about 8a-2pm at local schools or at JA Finance park Sure, you'd like to see your savings grow. Keep em coming! Im not sure that the initiator of the divorce necessarily has it easier in regards to planning it out. December 31, 2018, 6:36 pm. Building everyone up and never, ever tearing anyone down. Welcome to the club! I had no idea until I met up with Carl (Mr. 1500) at the MMM HQ last month and he mentioned it. I would even contact their governing body if they really do exaggerate or sensationalize the details of your life event. Reach out to this community online. It is truly a life changing website and I cannot thank MMM enough! December 31, 2018, 7:44 pm. So thats the bad news. Im 100% certain that I would not be a Mustachian or on the path to FI if I hadnt taken the actions I did when I did. Pete Adeney, the man behind the blog . We were in constant communication, sometimes daily about what was happening in our kids worldhomework, sports, friends, etc. Looking forward to see you leading by example that divorce doesnt mean financial ruin and damaged relationships. Mr. Money Mustache and his then-wife retired at the age of 30 with a net worth of $600,000. It sounds like you and your ex spouse are both still amazing people and parents but it was also a good reminder to me that achieving FIRE wont make my marriage easier in fact having more time together will give us more opportunities to neglect or fight with each other if we arent vigilant. TheAngelsReply Its a shame that our (current) cultures treats divorce with shame. January 2, 2019, 10:32 pm. . Your story has only motivated me to pay more attention to the little things with my wife. Thanks for saying that marriage is a good deal even if it doesnt seem that life delivered what we ordered. Thank you for sharing this. Skip-the-Hyperbole Best of luck to you. All the best! Mr. Money Mustache December 31, 2018, 6:35 pm. They released five studio albums before their dissolution in 1970 and her divorce from John. I have spent eight years recovering financially from a messy separation. You need your objective reminders to stay sane. Someone who doesnt know your situation and can be objective. Mr. Money Mustache retired in his early thirties and has recently emerged as one of the most inspiring personal finance authors in cyberspace. As a long-time reader said to me in a recent email as we discussed our shared fate, having a solid financial cushion and low expenses and lifestyle flexibility, has made the best of an otherwise difficult situation especially in not having to disrupt the lives of our kids. I just had the best year of my life, largely because of the influence youve had on me. This past year, my extended family saw the loss of a mother and the loss of a baby. My comment form allows you to use a pseudonym so you can be anonymous while you let out the truth. I was rooting for you two. Anonymous, You really need a cheap car for it to make sense. I survived and later thrived out of divorce (it was a process, 10 years). Anonymous In reality life (and marriage) is a complex and changing process which includes kids as well as getting old and weaker. No. You can be the best spouse in the world and have them leave you for a Bass player with a drug problem in an AC/DC cover bandwhich is the dating pool you will run into after 40. ;), Been There Done That Im excited to read about the new home, Airbnb, and all the positive possibilities that you are growing into if you choose to share. It took four years off my sentence. When you are young, energetic, and gregarious, marriage and kids can definitely make things a lot harder, but things start looking different when you are old without kids or you get (really) sick. My mom was a strong introvert but was a community volunteer in a wide, wide variety of organizations (one at a time) to fulfill her social needs. Plus I was not the boss of the house. Joey manages to get the trained chimp on "The Tonight Show" with Jack Paar. One of the best things you did was move down the street from your child. I wish for the two of you, peace, in 2019. Sending you many blessings for 2019. I had learned of your divorce through an article, but didnt want to add any comment at all until you were ready to post here. Most of us (myself included) drift through the years, assuming we are doing a perfectly good job at being married, while unintentionally making all the same mistakes that everyone else makes. And we do. Having experienced it myself and reading ad nauseum on the topic, youre right on about the initiator having the advantage of planning their exit far in advance of the one on the receiving end. 2) Do you have a pre-nup? Mr Shirts I just found your blog two days ago. While the first year was very difficult, as you mention. Also, a contentious divorce could deplete your savings significantly. Sounds like you all done good. Dave Mason, We Just Disagree Timeless and true. Stephen Tamang December 31, 2018, 6:36 pm. Another inspirational and honest piece of writing. But I just wanted to remind you that a pessimistic attitude like that is very self-fulfilling, especially in the area of finding future love. And finally there is the famedfinancial costof divorce. According to endless research, after a divorce, kids are likely to experience distress, anger, anxiety, and disbelief. Sammykins Its an unhealthy mindset but I was young and stupid. Its a good example of how divorce can get to an amicable place. But at the same time, I feel we havebothalready learnedsomuch, that it seems almost impossible that the experience wont help both of us live better lives in the future. Chapeau. The only ways I can accomplish this is to either borrow the $100k (through HELOC) or sell the house and split the proceeds and move to a new home. Be strong and kind and carry on. I hope you keep sharing your experiences. December 31, 2018, 6:41 pm. His entertaining and informative articles, which can be found at MrMoneyMustache.com, give you the "punch in the face" you need to get you on the right track to financial independence. December 31, 2018, 8:04 pm. And easier. While he's certainly sympathetic to the fact that many people struggle to make ends. If youre still married and there is even achancethat you want it to last, you might consider the following steps. If you think you are hardcore enough to handle Maximum Mustache, feel free to start at the first article and read your way up to the present using the links at the bottom of each article. My state has that program, and Ive met and formed friendships with the nicest men and women of all ages by participating in the classes and volunteering. productos y aplicaciones. Welcome fellow Mustachians! I have been rereading your blog to see how I can keep my head above water. I can tell you from experience that even under the best of circumstances a divorce is emotionally very difficult. I was ready to move on in life. I look forward to reading your future post regarding continued growth. 2. It's only with this blog that he really made it to multi-millionaire status. I just started reading a couple of days ago too! Cheers to a great future for us all! It normally shuts them up when they get a note from their press complaints commission. At this age, people have mellowed and learned from their past relationships and are moving on to a new free stage of life since our kids (if any) are growing up. Hello Mr. Moustache, Seek professional counseling when necessary, find support in your family and friends, and have faith that the pain is only temporary and you will find wholeness again. Spark-youth 10-week career mentorship program Because divorce, especially with children and family and traditions involved, is really fuckinghard. Nice info !!! MMM, man I grieve with you at the ending of your marriage. But throughout all of it, we always have achoiceabout how to deal with them. Same here. Top 5 life crisis type trauma, but it eases with time. . And I find it to be important to pay attention to what peoples actions say, and how they can affect you, and how those actions affect relationships. Mr. Money Mustache said that when he became a frugality apprentice, he was punched frequently and regularly on his face. My wife and I are on pace to have 20x annual expenses by around my 40th birthday, in seven years. Or sustainable living community. MMM, good for you re civil divorce. Time to extend that badassity to my marriage! Logistics matter a lot more than people realize, and this will ensure you see each other more often than if you lived a car ride away. The good news is that we have had about the most amicable separation that one could hope for, we all still spend plenty of time together and our son is still in the same loving environment he has always had. I can heartily recommend taking focusing courses with Ann weiser Cornell, taking the courses obviously costs money but then you can maintain peer-to-peer partnerships for years (Ive been talking every week to one of my partners for 8 years now, he probably knows more about me than anyone else, but weve never met).
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